


Dogs Nipping at our Heels(we've all got skeletons)

by TheTrillion



Series: Lessons in Regret [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: (spoilers it's Tucker), Al's younger, Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Chimeras, Ed heavily implies that he thinks that Tucker's a pedophile, Gen, He's not, Honestly this is only Mature because I wish to be safe, Hurt No Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, Self-Hatred, Unreliable Narrator, Unstable Edward Elric, but he is a horrible person, trigger warning for literally everything relating to what happens to Nina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:21:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24162010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTrillion/pseuds/TheTrillion
Summary: Ed wonders how hard it'll be to clean so much blood out his automail. he wonders who'll get the blood out Nina's fur.He wonders who'll be the one to clean up Tucker's body.-or: Roy really didn't know what he was getting into, bringing Edward into the military. Without Alphonse there to watch him, Ed's hands get bloody much much sooner than Roy ever expected.
Relationships: Edward Elric & Nina Tucker, Edward Elric & Roy Mustang
Series: Lessons in Regret [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1743730
Comments: 15
Kudos: 122





	Dogs Nipping at our Heels(we've all got skeletons)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [the tricky thing is yesterday we were just children](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11999478) by [noodlebunny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlebunny/pseuds/noodlebunny). 



> I actually didn't notice how similar this opening line was to tttitywwjc's second chapter till I went back looking for what story had inspired me and read it again. Go read that one if you're interested in getting your heart ripped it, it's really good! Def one of my favorites
> 
> For anyone who's reading this and is still waiting for me to upload the next chapter of War Crimes, my other wip fic, I am still working on it. I had to take a break for my mental health, but I'm steadily making progress on the next chapter. I'm about half done and it seems like it's gonna be around twice the length of the first.
> 
> Thanks for giving my fic a try!

Edward Elric is twelve years old when he takes his first life.

He doesn’t mean to do it  _ (liar)  _ but he also doesn’t regret it.

_ (Liar liar liar, we regret far too many things) _

Shou Tucker deserved it.  _ (No one deserves to die.) _

He  _ deserved  _ it. He  _ did.  _

* * *

  
  


“Shou Tucker,” Mustang tells him, “The Sowing Life Alchemist. He specializes in chimeras. You will be staying with him for the two weeks you get to prepare before taking the exams.”

His tone leaves no room for an argument. Ed wants to argue anyway. What chimera researchers do to those animals is  _ vile,  _ and Ed doesn’t want to go anywhere near it. Doesn’t want to even breath the same air as an  _ alchemist  _ that  _ specializes _ in it.

_ (Like you’re any better?) _

He’s got enough sins on his own, thank you very fucking much. He doesn’t want to add ‘willfully ignored the pain of countless animals just to study for an exam he doesn’t need to study for’.

He opens his mouth to say just that, to spit back that he can just find a hotel to stay in, to say  _ no,  _ but Mustang’s eyes grow darker. The Colonel’s face gets a bit tighter, colder. Ed bites back any retort he might’ve made in response to the  _ loathing  _ in the older man’s eyes.

“You’ll be using his library to study. Go get ready to leave, you’re dismissed.”

Ed turns on his heel and flees. He pretends that he doesn’t know what he’s running from.  _ (His sins will always find him.) _

* * *

Havoc’s the one to drop him off, leaving Ed standing outside the gate as he drove away. The man was cold towards him, passive aggressive in every interaction. Ed shouldn’t have been surprised that he just left without introducing him to Tucker.

Still, it makes his chest ache- knowing that this will be the way he’ll be spending his military career. How he’ll be spending his second trip to hell. It  _ hurts,  _ and even though he knows he deserves it, that this is just his do, he still wishes his life wouldn’t be like this.

Surrounded by all sides with no hope of backup. Fitting for a sinner.

He shoves a snarl onto his face, lifts his suitcase a little higher on his shoulder, and trudges to the door.

* * *

His first meeting with Shou Tucker could’ve gone better- the man put Ed on edge and he’d said a few things he shouldn’t have- but in the end Tucker seemed like an alright guy. He clearly didn’t mind Ed’s prickliness and didn’t even threaten to turn Ed in when he gave up his end of the deal  _ (Equivalent Exchange) _ , which is more than  _ some  _ people could claim. 

(Ed wondered if that made the man better or worse, not ratting Ed out. Human transmutation is dangerous and for all Tucker knows Ed could want to do it again.)

He’s got a daughter and a dog, Nina and Alexander, that both seem to  _ adore  _ Ed for whatever reason. Hell, Nina calls him  _ big brother. _

It reminds him of Alphonse. Al who was still in Resembool, Al who was sick because of Edward, Al who was only a couple years older than Nina.

It reminds him of Al so sharply, when she first calls him that, that he nearly buckles under it. Nearly collapses like a house of cards tapped the wrong way. It throws him off so off guard, the reminder, that Nina’s already dragged him outside to play before he can come to himself again.

_ (Big brother!  _ Alphonse cries when he shouldn’t  _ be there,  _ when he should be  _ upstairs,  _ when he should be  _ sleeping. _

_ Big brother!  _ He’d cried, when Ed’s skin had been stripped off muscles and tendons and his muscles and tendons had been stripped off his bones and every little part of him had been scraped into ashes and dust.

_ Big brother!  _ Alphonse had  _ screamed,  _ when he’d been trapped in it too.

Ed would never forgive himself for not locking the door behind him.)

* * *

There’s a hunger in Tucker’s eyes when he looks at him that Edward doesn’t understand. At first, he thought it was a hunger for knowledge- a hunger to know what had happened to make three of his limbs metal- but he’s already given him that information  _ (human transmutation is a crime punishable by death, and yet you still did it. All for the mother you couldn’t even bring back) _ and the look hasn’t left.

After that, he thought maybe the look was a hunger for all of the knowledge that Ed had trapped in his head  _ (humans were never meant to pass through the gate, were never meant to have so much knowledge stuffed into their minds)  _ but that doesn’t seem to fit either. He lets Ed go through his entire library undisturbed, never asking for Ed’s input on his research. It’s Ed that wanders into his lab and adjusts his circles so that the chimeras that he creates are less of a patchwork job, are in less pain. He’s never asked Ed for anything aside from the first exchange.

(After that, his mind jumps to the next horrible,  _ horrible  _ thought. 

What if Tucker was  _ that  _ type of man? What if all his research, all his practice at ignoring the animals he uses’s pain, had let him ignore  _ human’s  _ pains too?

He doesn’t want to think about it. He doesn’t want an answer. He shoves the thought away roughly, locks it up in his mind.

He doesn’t want to  _ think  _ about that.)

So what does he want from Ed? Why do his looks always leave Ed feeling fucking  _ violated  _ dispite him never even being close to him?  _ What. Does. He. Want? _

(He gets his answer one night when the man sneaks into his room to take his measurements. To take some of his fucking  _ blood.  _ It takes him a pitifully short amount of time to find Tucker’s notes on himself.

He’s planning on merging Ed with  _ Alexander.) _

Ed alchemically locks the door after that. He should probably tell someone about the notes- about all the  _ research  _ Tucker has already put into using Ed in one of his experiments- he  _ should  _ tell someone. He  _ knows  _ he should.  _ He should he should he should- _

But Mustang- hell, even everyone in Mustangs team-  _ hates  _ him. If he told them, would any of them even give a shit? Would they accuse him of lying, of trying to get an alchemist he’s already shown to be uncomfortable with in trouble? Would they even let him open his mouth to just  _ talk  _ in the first place?

_ He doesn’t know. _ He doesn’t know what they would do and that makes him paranoid, makes him uneasy. He doesn’t know and so he won’t say anything- to them or to anyone else. 

So, he says nothing. He keeps his mouth shut about what he’s found and doesn’t change any of his behaviour beyond sealing his door shut at night. He continues to go into Tucker’s lab to adjust his arrays and he continues to play with Nina and Alexander.

Who would help someone that’d nearly killed their baby brother?

_ (Why would anyone help a sinner?) _

* * *

The chimerae seem to howl a bit louder, the next time Ed steps into Tucker’s lab. He can’t stop his shudder as he moves towards Tucker’s line up of arrays.

They’ve started to include symbols that would account for souls. Ed has a sickening feeling that he’d been the one to give Tucker the idea to research souls.

By the time he finishes making small adjustments there’s a fine tremor in his hands.

He can’t bear to look at the suffering animals as he leaves the room.

* * *

It’s after he’s been informed that he passed the State Alchemist exam that it happens.

He wonders if it would be different, if only he’d been  _ there. _

* * *

There’s blood all over his hands. On his face. Staining his clothes.

Nina and Alexander whimper, whine.  _ Why?  _ They ask him.  _ Big-Brother Ed-ward why hurt Dadd-y? _

He feels sick.

Tucker stares at him with blank eyes, face puffy and swollen. Ed doesn’t need to check to know that he’s dead.

He’d felt the man’s neck break, after one too many automail enforced hits. He swallows down bile.

Nina and Alexander press their head into his hands, his bloody bloody hands and they’re crying, shaking apart at the seams and Edward doesn’t need to look at Tucker’s circle to know that there was no reversing what had happened.

The Truth curved around his shoulders and he could see the way Nina and Alexander’s  _ souls  _ had been shredded and mushed together, pressed into a body far too small, far two big, for the two of them. They cried, a horrible mix of little girl and dog, and Ed pat their head, trying to soothe any bit of the hurt no doubt throbbing through their body.

There was no reversing it and Edward had caused this.

He stumbled away from Nina, towards the phone he could see next to Tucker’s workbench, ignoring her painful cries. 

(wasn’t he always ignoring  _ everyone that matters' cries?) _

The number he dials is memorized, for all that he’s never needed to call it before now. The phone rings and rings before it clicks on, finally answered.

“Hello? Roy Mustang speaking.”

“Tucker’s dead,” Is all that falls from his lips, his own body far too still. Shouldn’t he be shaking?

“Fullmetal? What are you-”

“He was gonna use me, you know,” Ed cuts him off. Nina and Alexander’s moved closer to him, settled against his side. They’re still crying. There’s a rattle somewhere under him and it takes him a moment to realize it was his right hand, clenched around the edge of Tucker’s desk and threatening to break it.

Ah, so there’s the shaking.

“He was gonna use me but I locked him out, so he couldn’t get to me. Shouldn’ta. ‘S stupid, should’a known he’d just find someone else.”

“ _ Fullmetal,”  _ Mustang snarls and Ed wonders if he’s imagining the way it shakes.  _ “What are you talking about?” _

“That chimera,” He murmurs, detaching his hand from the desk to shakily brush it through Nina and Alexander’s hair, over their fur. “The one that talked then killed itself? That was his wife.”

There’s a sharp breath from the other side of the phone. Ed’s chest feels cold, like he’s breathing in icy air.

“Guess at least Nina wasn’t his first choice. Shouldn’ta locked my door. Shouldn’ta left her alone. He’s dead now. He kept talkin’ about it, how he did, the theory behind it all, how we’re both the  _ same.” _

His throat ached, clicked over and over again. Mustang’s breath is definitely shaky over the line.

“I’m coming over. Stay where you are.” The line went dead.

The sound that tears it’s way out of his throat is either a laugh or sob. Ed doesn’t think he’ll ever know.

He keeps petting Nina and Alexander’s head.

* * *

When Mustang comes, Nina’s taken away. Ed follows to the interrogation room and answers all their questions as best he could. The faces he can remember afterwards are all sharp, judgemental.

He was always doing this, wasn’t he? Putting himself above everyone else who deserves better and ruining their lives.

Ed goes back to the dorms, once they’re done with him. It’s too late to call Al- he should be bed, as far as Ed can tell- but he dials the Rockbell’s number anyway.

It’s Pinako that answers. Her voice is tired.

“H-hey Granny,” he swallows the sandpaper in his throat. “Sorry I couldn’t call earlier, there was a mess I had to clean up.”

Pinako sighs on the other side, sounder weary. “It’s fine, Ed,” she tells him, a lie she doesn’t even know she’s saying.

There was nothing fine with what he’d done, ever. He doesn’t tell her that.

“Yeah, well, tell Al I’m sorry for missing him, please?”

_ Please tell him I’m so so sorry. _

“I will, Ed, don’t worry.”

They chat a little longer, before Pinako has to hang up. Ed sits by the phone and thinks that he’s shaking apart at the seams, just like Nina and Alexander.

He doesn’t sleep that night.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone wondering: no, no one in Mustang's team actually hates Ed. Ed's a _very_ unreliable narrator and his views on himself spill a lot onto other people, especially when he's having a hard time reading them. Everyone's pretty guarded around him, yes, but it's more because no one really knows how to act around a child soldier
> 
> So extra info on this AU because I have a bad habit of rambling and like talking about my stories:
> 
> Al is six years old when this is set and was almost five when Ed preformed human transmutation. Ed lost his arm to the initial transmutation and Al was taken because he came down while it was activated and got stuck in with Ed. Ed, upon realizing the Gate had taken Al, went back and traded his legs for his brother. Truth agreed, but still took a toll from Al- his health. Al remembers nothing of the Gate, and likely won't ever remember anything, and lives with Pinako and Winry, as well as occasionally with Izumi. 
> 
> Ed's been taking care of Al for practically his whole life, since Trisha dies about seven or so months after giving birth to Al and Winry's parents have already been long dead, plus with the number of people swarming the Rockbell's home for automail Ed just really ended up staying in his own home and taking care of Al alone. They still go to the Rockbell's pretty often and Pinako sends over left overs to place semi-frequently but Ed in the end is about the most parent-like figure Al gets.
> 
> Ed doesn't actually _mean_ to kill Tucker but when you're overwhelmed it's pretty hard to keep your strength down, and automail already needs to be held back a lot to keep from breaking bones. Roy really has his work cut out for him, with Ed. I don't show it but Hughes is _very_ pissed off at him for bringing a twelve year old into the military and that'll probably be the next thing I write for this. Roy honestly really regrets it but there's no turning back anymore, the military's already sunk their claws into Ed
> 
> If anyone's got anymore questions for this AU, please comment them, or send me an ask on my [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/like-that-one-weird-dog-thing) I honestly develop AUs the best when I can fill in the blanks as I go, and it's always fun for me to talk about my stories
> 
> Be warned, you might get a full on essay in response to any questions you have. Sorry ahead of time


End file.
